So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
