Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
