I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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