i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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