You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
