I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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