i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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