Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
