Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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