Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
