I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
