If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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