Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
