Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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