love makes seman taste better
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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