My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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