Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
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My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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