I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
