but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
