That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
