So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize