it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
