i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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