Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My life is pants optional.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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