TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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