He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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