this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
