You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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