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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
