There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
