Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
