really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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