four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
