Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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