Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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