Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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