I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
pray to the hookup gods
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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