my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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