Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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