Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
