I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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