tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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