He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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