well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize