So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
