apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
