he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
