Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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