what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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