I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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