I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
