watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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