i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
