Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
