I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
