No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
