I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
