I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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