New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
