What did we do last night that was yellow?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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