y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Found your dick twin last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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