drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
