You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
